Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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