When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
