I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
