Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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