piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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