Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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