Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
