I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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