my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
