oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
