If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
