Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
