I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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