At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
