He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
