WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
