I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
