I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
