woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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