Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
