im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
