I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
