so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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