Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
