So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
