He had one of those small greek statue penises
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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