i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I would fuck him just for his dog
I want a musical about memes.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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