when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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