i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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