I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
