Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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