i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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