Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
accomplished twins. life is a go
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The Olympian is in my bed
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
