Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
