I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
