why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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