I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
