if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
