So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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