So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
