There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
