Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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