were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
