dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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