Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
