and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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