fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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