You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sext me about skeletons
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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