apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
