You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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