hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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