How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
