dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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