i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
