The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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