K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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