It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
